The Rules Based Order dies as United States Goes Full Pirate
In a bold rebranding move, the United States has traded its long standing membership in the “Liberal Rules Based Order” for a skull and crossbones flag and a parrot named “Sanctions.”
After decades of lecturing the world on “freedom of navigation,” Washington has decided that actual navigation is much more fun when you rappel onto a 333 meter tanker like it’s Fast & Furious: Port of Spain Drift.
The vessel in question, the “Centuries” owned by a Hong Kong company, flagged by Panama, and destined for China was carrying 1.8 million barrels of Venezuelan crude, or as the State Department now calls it, “confiscated democracy.”
In a touching tribute to consistency, the U.S. has promised to sell the stolen sorry, liberated oil to itself, deposit the profits into the “Strategic Hypocrisy Reserve,” and use the proceeds to fund a new battle-shit or ship named the USS Trump class.
